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TangerinePants
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Name: Ashlee
Country: United States
State: Ohio
Birthday: 7/19/1982
Gender: Female
Interests: I crave sunny days, random adventures, books, photography, tea, coffee shops, music, thrifting, and decorating.
Occupation: Nanny, ABA therapist, Substitu
Message: message me
AIM:  TangerinePants
Member Since:
1/11/2004
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| I have decided to change to blogging becasue everyone in the Knable
family blogs. I hope that with a new site I will have better luck
posting. Sorry I have been so distant. Check out my new site http://ashleeknable.blogspot.com
I have a few wedding photos up.
I hope to hear from you soon!!!
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| The reason I am finally posting is because yesterday
I had a twohour car ride where my mind was filled with thoughts of
reflection. With the sun shining and my music humming I found myself in
a state of deep thought. I was shocked to have reached this state
because it has been months since I have slowed down enough to process
what is going on inside my head. I now understand how it is possible to
become numb. I realize how important it is to take time to reflect upon
what I am learning.
I never make time to take part in what I am
passionate about because I never take time to realize that I miss my
passions. Does this make sense? I miss writing and taking
pictures. I miss just looking around me and asking why. I miss being
artistic. I miss sipping coffee and thinking deep thoughts. I miss
listening to a new cd over and over again.I miss having time when no
one else is around but me.
I fear that throughout my childhood I never
took the time to deal with all of the problems was faced with. I held
them in because I had to be strong for my parents.I held it all in
because I didn't want to make them feel bad for upsetting me. I have
been wondering if it is possible to heal from childhood wounds. This
weekend I visited my friends home town. It was a good trip but I found
myself realizing how different my childhood was. One of my friends
asked me what my home was like.This should be an easy question to
answer, but for me it is one of the hardest. When this question was
asked I immediatly went back to my thoughts of how I wish home was
relaxing and comforting. Home for me was always a stressful place to
be. This question really hit me hard.
When things happen that make your stomach hurt or
your heart drop. Stop and think about them. Acknowledge the truth. I
guess I always feared that going through this process would hurt
others, but it ended up hurting me. So tonight I am sitting in my room
with all of the lights off except my star light and one candle. I
am listening to The Six Parts Seven and venting. Hear are my painful
but true thoughts.
I hate that I come from a broken family.
I wish home were something I wanted to talk about.
I wish money was never an issue for my parents.
I wish my dad was stable.
I wish my family story didn't involve a big explanation.
I wish that my childhood seemed more like a childhood.
I wish we still lived on Havers Road and had 76 acers.
I wish I could talk about having a bad day.
It is nice to admit that these things bother me. I know that I can't
change them and that the events in my life have influenced who I am. I
am thankful for the strength I have aquired from experiencing
brokeness. I only hope that I can use this strength to hlep others.
I am not asking for your sympothy. I just wanted to be honest for once.
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| This week has been a little crazy. I have had training every night from 5-10 on top of my regular work schedule. I have been drinking a lot of coffee to stay awake and to at least look like I am paying attention at the meetings.
You know how the older students (40 and up) usually talk during classes and comment on everything. Well imagine sitting in a class half populated with these older students for five hours a night. haha yea thats how my week has been going. I am not slamming the older ones I am just saying that the evenings have been long. Tonight I left a little confused though. The woman who sits at the end of my row asked if I had an email address. Then she asked if I wanted to keep in touch. Then she gave me her business card. Should I be worried hahaha.
I have only had three hours of actually working with mathew, but he is so awesome. I am so excited to get to know him and his family. It is amazing how my interest for autism has peaked. My eyes have totally been opened. I am learning about all of the job opportunities and am excited to see where god leads me. It is really cool to find so much enjoyment in something I was afraid of.
I am starting to become an ABA nut. It is just so cool to hear stories about kids who couldn't speak until they started ABA and how the therapy has changed the lives of entire families.
That's that..
next week I am going to Lake Erie with Patrick and his family. I am sooooo excited. A week away sounds wonderful. I am getting excited for fall. The cooler evenings and fall atire flooding the stores makes me so excited for crunchy leaves, apple cider or (as little Jack would say apple spider), sweaters and the fall retreat.
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| So I am alive just a little out of the xanga world. I am relaxing with Patrick's family this weekend in East Lancing Michigan. It is so nice to have a weekend away from columbus. I thought this summer was going to be relaxing and fool of fun hangout times with my buds. I have been busy with class, work, finding a new job, hanging out with some new girls that I am really excited about, procrastinating studying for the Gre and seeing Patrick on the weekends.We only have a month left of our long distance relationship. I can't wait until I can drive a few min. to see him. As he would say, it is so hard to be apart form the one you are supposed to be close to.
God has been really good. I got an ABA therapy job. I will be working with Matthew who is a six and has Autism. It is amazing how just answering an add in the Lantern will get you close ties to a family. I was able to switch my fall schedule around so things should be really good. I am looking forward to a consistent schedule. I hope to be avaliable more for random hangouts. I can't believe I will be graduting in March. I think this school year is going to be full of suprises. Hehehe
Well I am off to play with the little one who is tugging on my legs.
Sorry for being so distant.
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